zenon :)
(Source: zigazig-ah, via d0pamine)
Beautiful.
Eighteen with a long way to go. Excited to see what the world has to offer me and ready to bring new things to the table. I obsess over things I shouldn't and pay no attention to things I should. So catch my eye and I'll give you my undivided attention.
Anonymous asked: Are you going to "The Beatles: The Lost Concert" movie premier in a few weeks?
Should I be going…?
found an escape
Becoming free from yourself is a strangely beautiful experience. It sounds wrong, to set yourself free from, well, yourself. But to tell you the truth, for years, that is the only thing I have wanted to do.
The past haunted me every single day and followed me down every path I walked. I couldn’t escape the reality of it and would not stop questioning why everything happened to me the way it did. In the back of my mind, I could hear it telling me secrets and unraveling more truths about itself. I didn’t want to hear it anymore, but it liked to creep into all areas of my life. In conversation, it would throw words out of my mouth and brag about the ways it had taken hold of me. It let everyone around me know that I was still attached to it, still obsessed, still a little broken. All I wanted to do was show strength and happiness, but I just got dragged down by the weight of emotion that the past carelessly threw into my thoughts.
Looking back on these past two semesters at college, I realized that I haven’t changed one bit. What I have done though is become the person I am. Living my life through high school at home was obviously indescribable, but I was living in a place that held memories I needed to let go of. By meeting brand new people in a completely different community, I could introduce myself as Kayla. Not like I hadn’t before, but it was different this time. They had no idea where I came from, what my story was, or anything about me for that matter. I surprised myself by taking this opportunity to finally set myself free from the things I have let take control of my life for so long. I deserve to be happy; I like to tell myself that. Honestly, I do. Everyone does, but not everyone recognizes it. I wish they would. I can really say, right now, that I am the most content I have ever been with my life. Sure, there are still the lame day to day life struggles I deal with, like money and school and soccer and keeping up with my faith, but I don’t allow myself to be negative about any of it. I’m maintaining a real smile for weeks on end without feeling a need to breakdown at the end of every day. It feels really good. People like me as I am and they look up to me. It is completely gratifying. I don’t feel the need to throw stories about my past in their face to make them feel bad for me anymore. I can connect on a level of happiness and a drive for success, and it is so exciting.
I feel good. Danananananana :)
